If you are still having trouble seeing yourself in these descriptions, here’s a trick to help you focus: as you hold up the mirror to examine yourself, turn it just a bit to look at your parents. 

Think of five negative patterns you see in Mum and Dad, then pick the ones you are most likely duplicating.

2. You are responsible for your own misfortune

That’s because you have choices. Yes, you’re the one who chooses to be with woman who hates all of your friends. You’re the one who chooses to stay at a terrible job with a nightmare boss. You’re the one who chooses to overeat. Rather than take responsibility, it’s easier to make excuses or blame others. We’re experts at this.

But if you’re going to break negative pattern, you must accept responsibility for them. A simple way to do this is by eliminating excuse-oriented language, what’s called the “poor me” trap. (This includes blaming yourself.) For instance:

Instead of saying, “Losing weight is so difficult for me.” Say, “I’m overweight because I eat more kilojoules than I burn each day.”

Instead of saying, “There’s so much to do it’s overwhelming me." Say, “I didn’t prioritise well.”

Instead of saying, “This job is killing me.” Say, “I’m the one choosing to remain here.”

When you put the word “me” at the end of a complaint rather than “I” at the beginning, you confirm passivity and helplessness and allow a negative pattern to continue. Just by using “I” statements like these, you can often begin taking action that will help modify your behaviour in a positive way. You are the actor in your life, not the audience.

Don’t be ashamed of failure. So it’s you who’s been screwing up, not everyone else. 

Welcome to the club. As Henry Ford said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” Failure is a misunderstood and underutilised asset.

Look back on your failures and try to extract one thing that you learned from each.

These are the keys to breaking your negative patterns.

Age 22: Failed at business.
Age 23: Ran for legislature and lost.
Age 24: Failed at another business. 
Age 25: Elected to legislature
Age 26: Girlfriend died.
Age 27: Had nervous breakdown
Age 29: Defeated for Speaker of the House
Age 31: Defeated for elector
Age 34: Defeated for Congress
Age 37: Elected to Congress
Age 39: Defeated for Congress
Age 46: Defeated for Senate 
Age 47: Defeated for Vice President
Age 49: Defeated for Senate
Age 51: Elected for President

The man is ex-president of the US Abraham Lincoln.

4. If you want to see results, set specific goals

Most men spend more time planning their annual holiday than their lives. If you want to be as happy and content every day as you are for those two weeks at the beach, then you need to approach life just as thoroughly. Instead of saying you want to be fit, successful or in love with a gorgeous woman, you need to map a route for reaching that destination. Let’s say you want to lose 20kg in 12 months. But that isn’t specific enough to act upon. So break it down. You figure that in order to reach this goal, you’ll have to cut 2000kj from your daily diet and start exercising. Suddenly, the insurmountable thing called weight loss becomes more doable. Thirty minutes of jogging, a couple of fewer cans of soft drink…you could do that.

Use this same strategy for planning and reaching all your goals. Pick something bold and inspiring to aim for. Then break it down into detailed steps or sub steps that will get you there. To run the marathon, you first need to make it to the next telephone pole.

Nor is it an unconscious process. Those who realise their goals are continually assessing their progress toward them. To stay on course, use these tricks.

-Practice pro-active behaviour. Focus on what you can do right now to change this part of your life. 

Instead of leaving it up to chance to send you the ideal woman, make a list of all the things you are looking for – personality type, appearance, financial situation, everything. And only go out with those who fit the criteria.

-Repeat affirmations. These are strong, positive statements outlining something desirable as, in fact, attainable.

(“I’m going to nail this interview and secure the job,” or “I’m going to ask her out and she’ll say yes.”) 

Speak them or think them to yourself. Talk yourself into believing. The effect is magical.

Be opportunity ready. In order to achieve, you have to be ready and willing to act. You have to know what you want and when the opportunity presents itself, you have to muster the confidence to follow through.

 If you don’t break it off with your current girlfriend and realise she represents a negative pattern, you won’t be available to meet the one who will become your wife.

We really are the authors of our own lives and we can write a different outcome than the one we seem destined for. Start by changing just one small thing. You’ll be amazed at the difference.

Another legacy is Psychology "frames", inter behavioral patterns with predicable outcomes that people engage, they become subjective of the frame when all is needed is to face off and break the frame and change the outcome.